A Very Apple Christmas
How well do you know your Christmas music?
That may be a rhetorical question at this point, whether you're black, latino or Anglo-Saxon (much love, Nasir). Whether you're cognizant of it or not, you've heard "Last Christmas" by Wham! approximately 400 times since the beginning of the month. It is widely known (well, not really) that 40-something domestic radio programmers love hearing George Michael lament the loss of gay holiday love in England. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- you know, George's love of balls or the song itself.
Following Thanksgiving, the rollout begins. The classics slowly begin to show up across the dial, providing a much-needed respite from the Top 40 wasteland. The songs are put in constant rotation, and just when you think you're going to carve your eyes out if you hear Bono belt out "Well, tonight thank Goood it's them instead of YOUUUUUUUUU" one more time, Dec. 26 hits and as quickly as these gems arrived, they disappear. It's a perfect science, a Christmas tradition on par with egg nog, presents and mistletoe.
Since I'm in the Christmas spirit, I will now bestow upon my 10s of readers my list of must-have contemporary Christmas songs. If you make a holiday compilation and you're missing any of these classics, start again. Jesus hates people who make shoddy holiday mix compilations. It's true...check out the New Testament.
"Baby, Please Come Home" - U2: If you're looking for an impartial viewpoint on all things Bono, you've come to the wrong place (I think "Pop" is one of the great albums of the '90s after all). That said, it's hard to deny this '80s classic, recorded during a soundcheck in the midst of the band's triumphant "Joshua Tree" tour. "Baby" is two minutes and 22 seconds of holiday bliss direct from Dublin's finest.
"Happy X-Mas (War is Over)" - John Lennon: It's our first Beatles sighting, a timeless song featuring Lennon's classic vocal and a whole bunch of political and social undertones that I kinda tune out. Oddly, I always find myself humming along to the children's choir that provides the backing vocal. (I hope that comment doesn't get me on some neighborhood watch list.)
"Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" - Bruce Springsteen: Recorded live during the Springsteen's massive "Born in the U.S.A." tour, "Claus" provides a glimpse into Springsteen's legendary on-stage banter with both his band and audience ("Everyone out there been good this year? Ooooh, that's not many, heh heh, you guys are in trouble, heh heh." Combine Springsteen's holiday cheer with a still-amusing guest vocal turn from longtime E-Streeter Clarence Clemons and you've got a winner. "Clarence, you been rehearsin' real hard to get a new saxophone?" Quintessential Boss.
"Do They Know It's Christmas?" - Band-Aid: If you turn your radio dial clockwise right now, this song is probably on. Released in November of 1984,this Bob Geldoff-penned tune immediately debuted at Number One in Great Britain, and was Number One on the American charts two weeks later. It eventually sold 50 million copies, beating sales of Scott Stapp's recent solo album by roughly 50 million. In addition to vocals from Sting, McCartney, Bono and the like, "Christmas" featured some of the most respected artists of the day, such as Bananarama, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Human League and Spandau Ballet. Okay, some of the most popular artists of the day.
"Christmas Wrapping" - The Waitresses: I don't know much about this band but I always loved the horn section of this song and the chick singing always sounded hot to me. Of course, if I googled her right now she'd probably look like Bea Arthur, so maybe some stones are better off left unturned.
"Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth" - Bing Crosby & David Bowie: Bing, who recorded one of the seminal Christmas albums of the 20th Century in "White Christmas," tapped Bowie for a one-off recording to be included in his annual Christmas special in 1977. Bing kicked just a month later, but left behind this gem. To suit each singer's strengths (and insatiable egos, I presume) Bing crooned "Drummer Boy" while Bowie provided a soothing harmony with his rendering of "Peace." A must-have for any holiday collection.
"Blue Christmas" - Elvis Presley: Before Elvis died on a toilet bowl, he managed to record this catchy Hawaiian-style ode to loneliness during the holidays. I've never really understood Elvis' status as a pop culture immortal, but there's no denying this song. (Elvis fans would rip me in the comments section for that last comment if Elvis fans actually had computers...or even existed for that matter. Hmmmmmmm...)
"Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" - Brenda Lee: I don't know much about this song other than it's great and it was prominently featured in Home Alone. If its good enough for Kit Culkin's brother, it's good enough for me.
"Wonderful Christmastime" - Paul McCartney: Our second Beatles entry, this may be the worst song ever recorded. Seriously, have you ever heard this monstrosity? Oddly, I love it anyway.
"All I Want For Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey: I have to admit, I never thought Mariah Carey would crack any "Best Of" list of mine besides maybe a countdown of "Chicks Who Will Most Likely Get Real Fat in the 2010s," which makes "All I Want" all the more impressive an achievement. In a decade thats greatest holiday offering came by way of Adam Sandler's "Hannakuh Song," Mariah rescued the mid-90s with this bouncy ode to being horny on Christmas. Extra points for her looking so frisky in the video...who knew a snowsuit could be so fetching?
"Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys: I love, love, love this song, although I can't shake the image of a completely and utterly insane Brian Wilson holed up in a master suite of the Chateau Marmont, eating squid and freaking out as this song rumbles through his head like a freight train over and over and over again. Merry Christmas!
"Last Christmas" - Wham!: Sure it's a little over the top (clocking in at over six minutes), but it's catchy as hell and let's face it: A gay Christmas song was long overdue. Like Brian Wilson before him, I can picture Andrew Ridgely (aka the Other Guy in Wham!) sitting in his cluttered London flat, humming this tune and waiting for a phone call from George Michael that will never come.
You'll notice on this list a disturbing lack of holiday mainstays recorded in the past 15 years. We're definitely in a drought of sorts, although I can imagine Chris Martin slaves over his piano at least three hours a day trying to get his piece of the Christmas pie. And rightfully so. You come up with a good guitar riff or a nice melody, and you may have a hit that will probably come and go faster than you can say Chumbawumba -- and that's if you're lucky. But if you can craft a beloved song that connects with the holidays, its almost like irrelevance cryptonite...you're remembered forever. Hard to think of a better Christmas gift than that.
Happy Holidays.
That may be a rhetorical question at this point, whether you're black, latino or Anglo-Saxon (much love, Nasir). Whether you're cognizant of it or not, you've heard "Last Christmas" by Wham! approximately 400 times since the beginning of the month. It is widely known (well, not really) that 40-something domestic radio programmers love hearing George Michael lament the loss of gay holiday love in England. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- you know, George's love of balls or the song itself.
Following Thanksgiving, the rollout begins. The classics slowly begin to show up across the dial, providing a much-needed respite from the Top 40 wasteland. The songs are put in constant rotation, and just when you think you're going to carve your eyes out if you hear Bono belt out "Well, tonight thank Goood it's them instead of YOUUUUUUUUU" one more time, Dec. 26 hits and as quickly as these gems arrived, they disappear. It's a perfect science, a Christmas tradition on par with egg nog, presents and mistletoe.
Since I'm in the Christmas spirit, I will now bestow upon my 10s of readers my list of must-have contemporary Christmas songs. If you make a holiday compilation and you're missing any of these classics, start again. Jesus hates people who make shoddy holiday mix compilations. It's true...check out the New Testament.
"Baby, Please Come Home" - U2: If you're looking for an impartial viewpoint on all things Bono, you've come to the wrong place (I think "Pop" is one of the great albums of the '90s after all). That said, it's hard to deny this '80s classic, recorded during a soundcheck in the midst of the band's triumphant "Joshua Tree" tour. "Baby" is two minutes and 22 seconds of holiday bliss direct from Dublin's finest.
"Happy X-Mas (War is Over)" - John Lennon: It's our first Beatles sighting, a timeless song featuring Lennon's classic vocal and a whole bunch of political and social undertones that I kinda tune out. Oddly, I always find myself humming along to the children's choir that provides the backing vocal. (I hope that comment doesn't get me on some neighborhood watch list.)
"Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" - Bruce Springsteen: Recorded live during the Springsteen's massive "Born in the U.S.A." tour, "Claus" provides a glimpse into Springsteen's legendary on-stage banter with both his band and audience ("Everyone out there been good this year? Ooooh, that's not many, heh heh, you guys are in trouble, heh heh." Combine Springsteen's holiday cheer with a still-amusing guest vocal turn from longtime E-Streeter Clarence Clemons and you've got a winner. "Clarence, you been rehearsin' real hard to get a new saxophone?" Quintessential Boss.
"Do They Know It's Christmas?" - Band-Aid: If you turn your radio dial clockwise right now, this song is probably on. Released in November of 1984,this Bob Geldoff-penned tune immediately debuted at Number One in Great Britain, and was Number One on the American charts two weeks later. It eventually sold 50 million copies, beating sales of Scott Stapp's recent solo album by roughly 50 million. In addition to vocals from Sting, McCartney, Bono and the like, "Christmas" featured some of the most respected artists of the day, such as Bananarama, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Human League and Spandau Ballet. Okay, some of the most popular artists of the day.
"Christmas Wrapping" - The Waitresses: I don't know much about this band but I always loved the horn section of this song and the chick singing always sounded hot to me. Of course, if I googled her right now she'd probably look like Bea Arthur, so maybe some stones are better off left unturned.
"Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth" - Bing Crosby & David Bowie: Bing, who recorded one of the seminal Christmas albums of the 20th Century in "White Christmas," tapped Bowie for a one-off recording to be included in his annual Christmas special in 1977. Bing kicked just a month later, but left behind this gem. To suit each singer's strengths (and insatiable egos, I presume) Bing crooned "Drummer Boy" while Bowie provided a soothing harmony with his rendering of "Peace." A must-have for any holiday collection.
"Blue Christmas" - Elvis Presley: Before Elvis died on a toilet bowl, he managed to record this catchy Hawaiian-style ode to loneliness during the holidays. I've never really understood Elvis' status as a pop culture immortal, but there's no denying this song. (Elvis fans would rip me in the comments section for that last comment if Elvis fans actually had computers...or even existed for that matter. Hmmmmmmm...)
"Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" - Brenda Lee: I don't know much about this song other than it's great and it was prominently featured in Home Alone. If its good enough for Kit Culkin's brother, it's good enough for me.
"Wonderful Christmastime" - Paul McCartney: Our second Beatles entry, this may be the worst song ever recorded. Seriously, have you ever heard this monstrosity? Oddly, I love it anyway.
"All I Want For Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey: I have to admit, I never thought Mariah Carey would crack any "Best Of" list of mine besides maybe a countdown of "Chicks Who Will Most Likely Get Real Fat in the 2010s," which makes "All I Want" all the more impressive an achievement. In a decade thats greatest holiday offering came by way of Adam Sandler's "Hannakuh Song," Mariah rescued the mid-90s with this bouncy ode to being horny on Christmas. Extra points for her looking so frisky in the video...who knew a snowsuit could be so fetching?
"Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys: I love, love, love this song, although I can't shake the image of a completely and utterly insane Brian Wilson holed up in a master suite of the Chateau Marmont, eating squid and freaking out as this song rumbles through his head like a freight train over and over and over again. Merry Christmas!
"Last Christmas" - Wham!: Sure it's a little over the top (clocking in at over six minutes), but it's catchy as hell and let's face it: A gay Christmas song was long overdue. Like Brian Wilson before him, I can picture Andrew Ridgely (aka the Other Guy in Wham!) sitting in his cluttered London flat, humming this tune and waiting for a phone call from George Michael that will never come.
You'll notice on this list a disturbing lack of holiday mainstays recorded in the past 15 years. We're definitely in a drought of sorts, although I can imagine Chris Martin slaves over his piano at least three hours a day trying to get his piece of the Christmas pie. And rightfully so. You come up with a good guitar riff or a nice melody, and you may have a hit that will probably come and go faster than you can say Chumbawumba -- and that's if you're lucky. But if you can craft a beloved song that connects with the holidays, its almost like irrelevance cryptonite...you're remembered forever. Hard to think of a better Christmas gift than that.
Happy Holidays.
posted by Dan Hanzus at 10:57 AM
5 Comments:
amazing.
You forgot the Dean Martin...
Sorry Kirbster, Dean-o just misses the cut. He was Frank's lapdog anyway.
Sorry Kirbster, Dean-o just misses the cut. He was Frank's lapdog anyway.
EW! Dean Martin's version of "Baby It's Cold Outside" is AWESOME. It's my favorite non-holiday specific winter song. :)
And I can't believe "Santa Baby" isn't on your list. But maybe that's because you aren't a girl...
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