Inside Brody's world

I'm about 98.9999 percent sure that I'm smarter than Brody Jenner.

I'd also be willing to wager the college fund of my unborn children that I'm funnier and more personable than The Hills reality star. I'd probably be a better boyfriend, too, in that not-going-to-give-you-VD kind of way at least.

I'm not, however, better looking than Brody Jenner. And I'm certainly not as wealthy ... two things that are most certainly the reason why Brody was mobbed by young girls and paparazzi in front of The Ivy in Beverly Hills today while I was little more than a physical obstacle standing in the way of teenage hormones gone mad.

Los Angeles is a weird place. It's moments like what happened in front of The Ivy -- a notorious celebrity hotspot -- that makes this abundantly clear. On the surface, Brody Jenner seems like a nice enough dude. He posed for pictures with his fans and even gave the photographers in ill-fitting Pink Floyd T-shirts a smile or two. He also had on a really cool pair of sunglasses. But the girls on that sidewalk were squealing like The Beatles had just stepped on the field at Shea.

This is odd, of course, because Brody Jenner isn't really famous for anything at all. Seeing people go batshit crazy over someone so seemingly inconsequential is tough to wrap your head around ... this is especially so when you happen to see it in person.

Walking back to the car, I explained to a friend that Jenner passed my "Switch Test," that being, I would trade places with that person if given the chance. That decision was a rash one, naturally, as Jenner's celebrity status is a ticking clock, while my status as a non-chode will likely have a much longer shelf life.

And in that end, not being a chode is all that really matters. Suck on that, pretty boy.