Don't let me down, Jack
As an American, I watch a lot of TV. It's pretty ordinary behavior. I'm a consumer. I consume. And let it be known that I don't discriminate in my viewing habits. I love a great movie or TV show (Shawshank Redemption, Arrested Development) as much as an awful one (Masters of the Universe, Step By Step). I'm no snob.
And in all this time watching entertainment good and bad, I've learned that there are only two things that I cannot bear to witness. One, I can't deal with people getting framed. This is torture. I just sit there like a madman blasting the local law enforcement for their obvious shortcomings in character judgement and crime detection and it saps all of the enjoyment out of it for me. Second, I abhor when pets or retarded people are killed. This is just uncalled for. In fact, if you know of a television program or motion picture that involves a mentally handicapped person being framed for murder who is then executed along with his loyal dog (this may or may not have been the plot of The Chronicles of Riddick), please alert me immediately so that I can take the proper steps to avoid it.
I bring this up because Monday's episode of 24 featured a mentally-challenged computer wizard (I know, I'm stumped, too) named Brady who looked like dead meat fo' sure. I mean, in any given episode of 24, 13 to 10,000 people have their lives come to a violent end, and it didn't seem like poor ol' Brady even had a chance. His brain was weak in matters not involving HTML code, he kept on complaining about red peppers, and he was (without his knowledge) involved in business with nefarious terrorist-type characters that included his own brother. Playboy was getting iced in my mind. I didn't think there was any doubt about it.
Seeing as the Kiefer Sutherland-powered thriller is one of my favorite shows on TV, you can understand I was torn. Should I change the channel? If I do, will I miss another poorly-acted scene by President Palmer that will reveal a pivotal plot point? And what if I miss another scene involving Ricky Schroder? WHAT IF I MISS ANOTHER SCENE INVOLVING RICKY SCHRODER! I don't even want to think about that. (chills)
So I decided to stick with it, and luckily, Brady survived the hour by the slimmest of margins. But he's not out of the woods yet. Not by a longshot. Jack Bauer promised to personally ensure his safety, typically a guaranteed death knell for any character on the show. For further reading, please see every woman that Jack has ever bonerjammed with since 2001. It's a graveyard of bitches, yo.
So now 24 takes on a new identity for me. While you worry about whether or not the Western seaboard will be destoyed, or if the evil vice president who looks like my fourth-grade teacher is going to start a nuclear war, I'm going to be focused on the physical well-being of my new friend Brady.
And you thought he was the retarded one.
And in all this time watching entertainment good and bad, I've learned that there are only two things that I cannot bear to witness. One, I can't deal with people getting framed. This is torture. I just sit there like a madman blasting the local law enforcement for their obvious shortcomings in character judgement and crime detection and it saps all of the enjoyment out of it for me. Second, I abhor when pets or retarded people are killed. This is just uncalled for. In fact, if you know of a television program or motion picture that involves a mentally handicapped person being framed for murder who is then executed along with his loyal dog (this may or may not have been the plot of The Chronicles of Riddick), please alert me immediately so that I can take the proper steps to avoid it.
I bring this up because Monday's episode of 24 featured a mentally-challenged computer wizard (I know, I'm stumped, too) named Brady who looked like dead meat fo' sure. I mean, in any given episode of 24, 13 to 10,000 people have their lives come to a violent end, and it didn't seem like poor ol' Brady even had a chance. His brain was weak in matters not involving HTML code, he kept on complaining about red peppers, and he was (without his knowledge) involved in business with nefarious terrorist-type characters that included his own brother. Playboy was getting iced in my mind. I didn't think there was any doubt about it.
Seeing as the Kiefer Sutherland-powered thriller is one of my favorite shows on TV, you can understand I was torn. Should I change the channel? If I do, will I miss another poorly-acted scene by President Palmer that will reveal a pivotal plot point? And what if I miss another scene involving Ricky Schroder? WHAT IF I MISS ANOTHER SCENE INVOLVING RICKY SCHRODER! I don't even want to think about that. (chills)
So I decided to stick with it, and luckily, Brady survived the hour by the slimmest of margins. But he's not out of the woods yet. Not by a longshot. Jack Bauer promised to personally ensure his safety, typically a guaranteed death knell for any character on the show. For further reading, please see every woman that Jack has ever bonerjammed with since 2001. It's a graveyard of bitches, yo.
So now 24 takes on a new identity for me. While you worry about whether or not the Western seaboard will be destoyed, or if the evil vice president who looks like my fourth-grade teacher is going to start a nuclear war, I'm going to be focused on the physical well-being of my new friend Brady.
And you thought he was the retarded one.
posted by Dan Hanzus at 8:13 PM
1 Comments:
I hope you and your friend are safe!
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