Thank you, Barry
February is a pretty difficult month for me.
With both Woman’s History Month and Black History Month in full swing, I’m already feeling a bit overlooked. Even more pressing, February is the unquestionable graveyard of the sports calendar, which puts things on a whole different level. The NFL and college football are history. Baseball is just shaking out the cobwebs. NCAA hoops won’t truly heat up until March. The Knicks and Nets are floundering, rendering the NBA useless. The AFL, featuring Bon Jovi’s Philadelphia Soul, the Georgia Force, and the New Orleans VooDoo, may or may not exist. The NHL is dunzo, though that’s not such a biggie for me seeing as I haven’t watched a complete hockey game since Game 7 of the 1994 Stanley Cup finals.
Needless to say, these are the 28 worst days of the sports year. And that’s why my ride home from work was so special yesterday. If the battery on my iPod hadn’t had kicked an hour earlier, I may have never have heard it. But the stars were aligned. A feast of entertainment was about to poured out upon me.
The date was February 22, 2005. Or, as it will be known from this day forward, The Day Barry Bonds Was Proven Insane.
For those unfamiliar with the situation, Barry Bonds – sitting on both 703 home runs and the biggest drug scandal in the history of American sports – reported to the San Francisco Giants spring training complex in Scottsdale, Ariz. yesterday.
Bonds was expected to be hit with a barrage of questions regarding BALCO and the steroid scandal that he is the face of. In a defiant tone and with the biggest head I've ever seen, Bonds went on the offensive.
Some particularly insane excerpts from Barry’s press conference with reporters: (transcripts courtesy of ESPN.com)
Q. Jose maintains that he did take steroids -- [inaudible] -- Mike Greenwell feels he should get the MVP because Canseco admitted that he used steroids. What's your opinion on that? And people who achieve awards, should there be an asterisk or maybe it taken back?
BONDS: … I mean, you can't -- you guys are like rerun stories. This is just -- this is old stuff. I mean, it's like watching "Sanford and Son," you know, you just, rerun after rerun after rerun.
You guys, it's like, what, I mean, you can't -- it's almost comical, basically. I mean, we've got alcohol that's the No. 1 killer in America and we legalize that to buy in the store. You've got, you know, you've got tobacco number two, three killer in America, we legalize that. There's other issues. You guys are going to be the same people next week as some tragedy happened, how we need to save our children and everything else and next week, you're the same people sitting there coming, how we should be doing this and how we're evil people, or, you know, you guys, it's one thing after another. You know, pick one side or the other. Are y'all going to be good people or are you all going to be who you are and make the game or sports what it is? It's become "Hard Copy" all day long. Are you guys jealous? Upset? Disappointed? What?
Ummmm…okay. And no Mike Greenwell, you can't have the 1988 MVP award. You idiot.
Q. Everybody in this room agrees with what you said, this is a circus --
BONDS: I like you. What's your name, man?
Q. What would be your solution to end the circus?
BONDS: I think that allow Major League Baseball, Bud Selig and the Union and its players, allow the drug testing program to work. Allow it to work. Let's go forward. I truly believe that we need to go forward. Okay, you cannot rehash the past. If that's the case, we're going to go way back into 19th, 18th centuries in rehashing the past and we'll crush a lot of things in a lot of sports if that's what you guys want. If you just want a lot of things out of the sports world, then we can go back into the 1800s and basically asterisk a lot of sports if that's what you choose and that's what you want to do.
If that's going to make you happy and everything, then go right ahead, figure it out, who you want, it's going to go all the way down the line.
But, things that happen in sports, in all sorts of sports, it's time to move on. Every time there has been incident, it has been corrected and now that it's being corrected, I think we need to go forward, move forward, let it go. Y'all stop watching Red Foxx in rerun shows and let's go ahead and let the program work and allow us to do our job.
Did Barry just reference 1700s America and Red Foxx in the same answer? Yes. Yes he did.
Q. What's going to be your approach to repair it from here on out? [Do] you expect other people to come clean and move forward?
BONDS: We just need to go out there and do our jobs, just as you professionals do your job. All you guys lied. All of y'all and the story or whatever have lied. Should you have asterisk behind your name? All of you lied. All of you have said something wrong. All of you have dirt. All of you. When your closet's clean, then come clean somebody else's. But clean yours first, okay.
But I think right now baseball just needs to go forward and you guys need to turn the page and let's move forward. Let us play the game, and we will fix it. I think we all want to, I think we all have a desire to. I think we all are hurting, including myself.
Barry has now labeled over 100 bitter sports reporters in a cramped room as “liars.” This will not go over well.
Q. What are we moving forward from?
BONDS: OK. Strike one, ball one, one out, cheer, boo, yeah, game over, let's go home. I mean, what else do you want to talk about? You know, there's a sports world -- the sports world is as bad as it is because this is the only business that allows you guys in our office to begin with. You can't just go to Bank of America, walk in the office, start interviewing employees. Just the sports world. Well, what for? Well, we don't want to get into the money aspect of it; we'll leave that to the side.
“OK. Strike one, ball one, one out, cheer, boo, yeah, game over, let’s go home.” Must…find time machine…to change…senior quote.
February had just went from an Iron Sheik-level heel to Marty Jannety-level baby face in 25 glorious minutes. I listened to this gold mine on WFAN and following the interview, Mike and The Mad Dog chimed in with their own insights. Mike Francesa labeled the diatribe as “one of the strangest press conferences he’d ever seen” while repeatedly saying “bizzahhh.” Chris Russo – a diehard Giants fan – referred to Bonds as a “weird guy” at least 18 times. I think I agree.
I took the remaining time in my car to reflect on all the insane goodness that Barry had suddenly brought into my life. One day, when my grandson sits on my lap and asks me about the great Barry Bonds and his 800 career home runs, I’ll no longer be at a loss to explain this controversial figure and his place in history.
“OK. Strike one, ball one, one out, cheer, boo, yeah, game over, let’s go home.”
For this Barry, you maniacal bastard, I thank you. We all do.
With both Woman’s History Month and Black History Month in full swing, I’m already feeling a bit overlooked. Even more pressing, February is the unquestionable graveyard of the sports calendar, which puts things on a whole different level. The NFL and college football are history. Baseball is just shaking out the cobwebs. NCAA hoops won’t truly heat up until March. The Knicks and Nets are floundering, rendering the NBA useless. The AFL, featuring Bon Jovi’s Philadelphia Soul, the Georgia Force, and the New Orleans VooDoo, may or may not exist. The NHL is dunzo, though that’s not such a biggie for me seeing as I haven’t watched a complete hockey game since Game 7 of the 1994 Stanley Cup finals.
Needless to say, these are the 28 worst days of the sports year. And that’s why my ride home from work was so special yesterday. If the battery on my iPod hadn’t had kicked an hour earlier, I may have never have heard it. But the stars were aligned. A feast of entertainment was about to poured out upon me.
The date was February 22, 2005. Or, as it will be known from this day forward, The Day Barry Bonds Was Proven Insane.
For those unfamiliar with the situation, Barry Bonds – sitting on both 703 home runs and the biggest drug scandal in the history of American sports – reported to the San Francisco Giants spring training complex in Scottsdale, Ariz. yesterday.
Bonds was expected to be hit with a barrage of questions regarding BALCO and the steroid scandal that he is the face of. In a defiant tone and with the biggest head I've ever seen, Bonds went on the offensive.
Some particularly insane excerpts from Barry’s press conference with reporters: (transcripts courtesy of ESPN.com)
Q. Jose maintains that he did take steroids -- [inaudible] -- Mike Greenwell feels he should get the MVP because Canseco admitted that he used steroids. What's your opinion on that? And people who achieve awards, should there be an asterisk or maybe it taken back?
BONDS: … I mean, you can't -- you guys are like rerun stories. This is just -- this is old stuff. I mean, it's like watching "Sanford and Son," you know, you just, rerun after rerun after rerun.
You guys, it's like, what, I mean, you can't -- it's almost comical, basically. I mean, we've got alcohol that's the No. 1 killer in America and we legalize that to buy in the store. You've got, you know, you've got tobacco number two, three killer in America, we legalize that. There's other issues. You guys are going to be the same people next week as some tragedy happened, how we need to save our children and everything else and next week, you're the same people sitting there coming, how we should be doing this and how we're evil people, or, you know, you guys, it's one thing after another. You know, pick one side or the other. Are y'all going to be good people or are you all going to be who you are and make the game or sports what it is? It's become "Hard Copy" all day long. Are you guys jealous? Upset? Disappointed? What?
Ummmm…okay. And no Mike Greenwell, you can't have the 1988 MVP award. You idiot.
Q. Everybody in this room agrees with what you said, this is a circus --
BONDS: I like you. What's your name, man?
Q. What would be your solution to end the circus?
BONDS: I think that allow Major League Baseball, Bud Selig and the Union and its players, allow the drug testing program to work. Allow it to work. Let's go forward. I truly believe that we need to go forward. Okay, you cannot rehash the past. If that's the case, we're going to go way back into 19th, 18th centuries in rehashing the past and we'll crush a lot of things in a lot of sports if that's what you guys want. If you just want a lot of things out of the sports world, then we can go back into the 1800s and basically asterisk a lot of sports if that's what you choose and that's what you want to do.
If that's going to make you happy and everything, then go right ahead, figure it out, who you want, it's going to go all the way down the line.
But, things that happen in sports, in all sorts of sports, it's time to move on. Every time there has been incident, it has been corrected and now that it's being corrected, I think we need to go forward, move forward, let it go. Y'all stop watching Red Foxx in rerun shows and let's go ahead and let the program work and allow us to do our job.
Did Barry just reference 1700s America and Red Foxx in the same answer? Yes. Yes he did.
Q. What's going to be your approach to repair it from here on out? [Do] you expect other people to come clean and move forward?
BONDS: We just need to go out there and do our jobs, just as you professionals do your job. All you guys lied. All of y'all and the story or whatever have lied. Should you have asterisk behind your name? All of you lied. All of you have said something wrong. All of you have dirt. All of you. When your closet's clean, then come clean somebody else's. But clean yours first, okay.
But I think right now baseball just needs to go forward and you guys need to turn the page and let's move forward. Let us play the game, and we will fix it. I think we all want to, I think we all have a desire to. I think we all are hurting, including myself.
Barry has now labeled over 100 bitter sports reporters in a cramped room as “liars.” This will not go over well.
Q. What are we moving forward from?
BONDS: OK. Strike one, ball one, one out, cheer, boo, yeah, game over, let's go home. I mean, what else do you want to talk about? You know, there's a sports world -- the sports world is as bad as it is because this is the only business that allows you guys in our office to begin with. You can't just go to Bank of America, walk in the office, start interviewing employees. Just the sports world. Well, what for? Well, we don't want to get into the money aspect of it; we'll leave that to the side.
“OK. Strike one, ball one, one out, cheer, boo, yeah, game over, let’s go home.” Must…find time machine…to change…senior quote.
February had just went from an Iron Sheik-level heel to Marty Jannety-level baby face in 25 glorious minutes. I listened to this gold mine on WFAN and following the interview, Mike and The Mad Dog chimed in with their own insights. Mike Francesa labeled the diatribe as “one of the strangest press conferences he’d ever seen” while repeatedly saying “bizzahhh.” Chris Russo – a diehard Giants fan – referred to Bonds as a “weird guy” at least 18 times. I think I agree.
I took the remaining time in my car to reflect on all the insane goodness that Barry had suddenly brought into my life. One day, when my grandson sits on my lap and asks me about the great Barry Bonds and his 800 career home runs, I’ll no longer be at a loss to explain this controversial figure and his place in history.
“OK. Strike one, ball one, one out, cheer, boo, yeah, game over, let’s go home.”
For this Barry, you maniacal bastard, I thank you. We all do.
posted by Dan Hanzus at 9:04 AM
3 Comments:
Bonds sux. he's a freak.
great post. I'm not saying just cause I'm a Dodgers fan either. I've known Barry is insane and a fucking dick for years. It's good to see that America finally does too.
Wow...Two Updates in One Month
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